


fun-sized

by schoolboys



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3135410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schoolboys/pseuds/schoolboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>lewis gives nico a cardboard cutout of jenson button, 2d cartoon character, for his birthday present. nico does not expect the cutout to come to life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fun-sized

When Lewis shows up at Nico's door carrying a very strange looking package under his arm, Nico has half a mind to slam the door in his face. But it is _Lewis_ , so Nico invites him in with a sigh and Lewis grins so wide that he might as well be the Cheshire Cat from _Alice in Wonderland_.

'Happy birthday,' Lewis says, shoving the package at Nico.

It does not look like a package. It is far too big to be one. It is tall and thin and taller than Lewis and Nico holds his present gingerly, eyes narrowed.

'Hey don't judge, okay well yeah happy _belated_ birthday, happy now?' Lewis says, throwing his hands up defensively.

'What is this... Thing?'

'Your present.'

'Huh.'

'Open it. Come on.'

Nico frowns, tearing at the sorry excuse for wrapping paper that covers his present to reveal... A life-sized cardboard cutout of Jenson Button.

'I don't believe this.'

'Hey you said no more blind dates—'

'What has that have to do with—'

'You _know_ him so—'

'He's a _cartoon character_ and he's made of cardboard and why are we even—'

'Dude we're getting old and you're not getting laid—'

'Shut up Lewis what do you know—'

'Ever since wait what's his name again that old man—'

'Out Lewis, _get out of my flat before I_ kill _you_ —'

'Come on you have a crush on Jenson, admit it—'

'He's not _real_ god what did I do to deserve a friend like you—'

'Hey I'm only trying to help man, he's cardboard so he won't leave you—'

'Lewis, _get out_ —'

'Tell me how your night goes I'm sure it'll be exciting—'

'I hate you Lewis I really do—'

'Enjoy your birthday present!'

 

Nico stares at the cardboard cutout of Jenson, propped up against his wardrobe. Sure he _likes_ Jenson the way anyone sane would like him because really, who cares if he is just an animated character? Jenson's the suave detective who goes for both women and men and there is something about his smoothness that makes him so irresistible and... Hah, still a 2D character though. Nico wants to strangle Lewis for pulling this sort of bullshit on him, if he wants a boyfriend he is perfectly able to get one on his own, thank you very much, and if he wants to get laid it is _not_ going to be a problem. But the other part of him wants to hug Lewis because _a life sized cardboard cutout of Jenson Button_ how do you even get one of those they were a limited release item from two seasons ago and they sell for some exorbitant price on eBay?

Even so, having Jenson Button stare at you with that smirk on his face with the lights off is unnerving, and soon enough Nico lays the cutout flat on the ground in the living room before heading back to his bed to sleep.

 

The next morning, Nico wakes up to a naked man sitting at the corner of his bed and he screams.

'Hello,' the man says.

Nico screams again. He does _not_ scream, unless it is sex with someone and it is mind-blowingly good but that is beside the point. This is bad. Who is this... Housebreaker and why does he look so strangely _familiar_?

'I'm Jenson Button,' the man says, leaning in. He reaches for Nico and Nico shrinks away from him, pressing himself against the headboard. 'And you are?'

 

'Lewis I'm going to kill you where the hell did you get the cardboard cutout from—'

'Hold up what are you talking about—'

'The Jenson cutout don't play dumb—'

'Hey if you're going to tell me you're allergic to cardboard I'm sorry man I didn't know—'

'It's not that—'

'I got it from a flea market it was going cheap shit I wasn't supposed to say that okay _sorry I forgot your birthday man but hey I got you something good that's what best friends do_ —'

' _Lewis_ —'

'You're going to tell me it's unsanitary and shit right well listen up I cleaned it before I gave it to you—'

'Lewis shut up it's not that god the cutout fucking _came to life_ —'

'Don't tell me to shut up wait _what_?'

'It came to life—'

'You're shitting me—'

'No I'm not—'

'It's not April fools' man it's _June_ —'

'Just come over now, okay? Please.'

 

Hours later, Lewis finds himself sitting in front of a very human Jenson Button, who is wrapped up in one of Nico's bathrobes. Nico has his arms crossed, glaring at Lewis and Lewis is pretty sure that if looks could kill, he would be dead by now.

'You're real,' Lewis says slowly. 'Can I touch your face?'

Jenson beams. 'Sure.'

Lewis presses his hand to Jenson's cheek and he feels human, warm skin and stubble and all. 'Holy shit.'

Nico rolls his eyes. 'Holy shit indeed. What am I going to do with him?'

'I don't know man, let me think... _Date_ him?'

'Lewis he's made of _cardboard_ —'

'He feels real come on I bet you've touched him already—'

' _Lewis_ —'

'You talk about me as if I'm not here,' Jenson says, shifting in his place and Nico stares, horrified as Jenson's bathrobe falls away.

'So why are you here then?' Lewis asks, turning to Jenson. 'To seduce Nico?'

Jenson turns to Nico, then to Lewis again. 'I could consider that,' he says, licking his lips, and Nico groans.

**Author's Note:**

> written for [this prompt](http://f1flashfic.livejournal.com/14033.html?thread=657105#t657105).


End file.
